Messed up things

Funny how things happen in life sometimes.. going back and reading a passage I wrote over a year ago and seeing where I am today is crazy.. Things have gotten so messed up! I think things need to mess up to remind us of where we came from and where we would like to be.  I could have never predicted my relationship would be where it is today.. Scattered and Distant.  Between not working, child support craziness, jail and Houston and now it's been 6 months since I've even seen him.. 2 months since a phone call..not sure when I became nothing more than a text message.  Could never have predicted we wouldn't make it. And I'm sure when he is with other women he isn't thinking of me.. To be honest I think this was a big plan he had with his cousin.. He never planned on being with me like he said. I'm so broken and hurt I don't know how to be happy. All I feel is sad and lonely... Wish I could move on as easily has he did.. I guess I love people too much and not myself enough. 

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/menshealth/5-biggest-exercise-myths

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/menshealth/5-biggest-exercise-myths

I HATE MY JOB!!

I think we get so caught up in just doing a job that we do not worry about happiness.  I feel like I have been doing the same stuff so long that I have no way of moving away from it and trying something new. I don't even know what I would enjoy doing.  I have been in the Mortgage business so long that I don't know anything else, and at 35 what a dumb time to try and find a career that would make me happy.  Will anything make me happy?? I have no idea but I do know that I HATE IT HERE!!!!  I jumped from being a closing secretary to a loan processor and its just the same bulls$%t just a different place.  I feel miserable all day just being here and doing this job.  Everyone gets a chance to go to school and find something they enjoy and I have never had that opportunity to even figure out what I like. It always seems like everyone else dreams are more important than yours and you just have to be stuck in a job you hate doing a something you are not passionate about.. it is going to break me down and destroy me.  So the big question is WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE AND WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS PROBLEM?  The really sad thing is that I have no choice I have to continue because with out me working how will we pay our bills? How will I provide for my son? When I was young I couldn't wait to grow up...WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! :( 
I have no idea what to do.. guess I will figure it out or remain miserable.

He's the love of my life :)

As I am sitting at work watching the clock for the time when I can leave from this place.. a random thought popped into my head.  Things are not perfect in my life by any stretch of the word but I am so incredibly happy with where I am.  And I have been so scared to even think about it because I am so scared of losing my happiness. Two years ago after being single for about 10yrs, I met the most wonderful man.  He is my best friend. I realize what it means to have a person that actually completes you.  He gets everything about me.. we have the same goofy humor and can act completely retarded around each other. :)  My favorite memory of him is all of a sudden he starts dancing out of no where and with out question I go up to him and dance to the same groove in his head.. Funny.. There was no music and we were in the middle of the kitchen. We groove to the same tune! haha! We totally and completely get each other, and I can't believe I spend so much time wasted on some people that didn't get it and never will.   Everything about each other is on point and works!  Everyday I wake up with a smile on my face because I am so blessed to have him in my life.  When you can look at someone and smile for no reason you know that person is the love of your life.  I feel like I have waited all my life for him and thank god everyday that he gave me patients to wait and take my time finding my true love.  With all that said it was a bumpy road to get there.. we met when both of us were going through really rough times.. I was just in a major car accident starting my life over with friends and living my life differently and he was going through a divorce and trying to save his marriage. It was such a roller coaster ride, but all the bad got us to where we are and helped us appreciate each other and everything about our relationship.  He is my number one fan and I am his.   The struggles in life are the same as always but the road is not as bumpy with him at my side, helping me through every turn..I am so blessed and can not wait to see what the future holds for us as we spend the rest of our lives loving each other.